The roar of the Tartan Army—wait, no, the Barmy Army—turned to stunned silence at Perth’s Optus Stadium on November 23, 2025, as Australia sealed a crushing eight-wicket victory inside two days, handing England their heaviest Ashes defeat Down Under in over a century. Bowled out for 172 and 205, England collapsed twice in 67.3 overs—the shortest aggregate innings in an Australian Test since 1904—allowing Travis Head’s blistering 116 to chase 205 in 28.5 overs. This ignominious loss, England’s first two-day Ashes defeat since 1921, evoked ghosts of 2013-14’s 5-0 whitewash, leaving Ben Stokes’ “Bazball” revolution in tatters. With Australia leading 1-0 in the five-Test series, questions swirl: Was the pace attack overrated? Can England rebound in Brisbane? As the Barmy Army drowns sorrows at the Camfield pub—the southern hemisphere’s largest—the pain of a golden opportunity squandered cuts deep.
Key Day Two Stats
- Final Scores: Australia 132 & 205/2 (Head 116, Smith 40*; Stokes 4-32, Wood 3-29)
- England: 172 & 205 all out (Root 45, Brook 38; Starc 5-47, Hazlewood 4-35)
- Overs: 67.3 total (shortest since 1904)
- Attendance: 41,517 (Day 1 sell-out)
- Man of the Match: Travis Head—116 off 95 (9 sixes)
England’s rapid fire batting gamble backfired spectacularly, turning ascendancy into annihilation.
The Collapse Unfolds: From Bazball Boldness to Brutal Breakdown
England’s Day 1 (November 21): 172 all out in 32.5 overs—shortest first Ashes innings in Australia for 123 years. Facing Mitchell Starc’s fire, they attacked relentlessly, but Australia’s 132 reply (Stokes 4-32) set 205 target.
Day 2 (November 22): Australia openers Khawaja/Head flew—Head’s 116 (95 balls, 9 sixes) demolished England’s “pace revolution.” England needed 73 with Root/Brook set (hundreds each)—but crumbled, losing 10 wickets for 81.
Starc’s 5-47; Hazlewood 4-35. Crawley 4 (96 Test runs @30.22 as opener—worst among 96-innings peers).
Stokes: “Rapid, aggressive—set tone. But failed pull weight; 2-0 Brisbane? Bounce back.”
Borthwick: “Disappointed—positions of dominance lost. Learn, adapt.”
Vaughan: “Bazball polarizing—backs-to-wall chases admirable, but win from strength? Not yet.”
The Soft Underbelly: Self-Inflicted Wounds in Big Moments
This Perth capitulation—first two-day Ashes loss since 1921—fits England’s maddening pattern: Dominance discarded.
Recent echoes:
- 2023 Wellington: Follow-on enforced; lost.
- 2023 Edgbaston: Declared 20 ahead; lost (Lyon injured).
- 2023 Lord’s: Lyon hobbling; lost.
- 2024 Rajkot: 224-2 chasing 445; lost (Ashwin absent).
- 2025 Oval: 73 needed, Root/Brook set; lost to India.
Townsend—no, Stokes: “Dislike ‘ruthless’—team isn’t yet.”
Broad: “Plan to dismiss Smith? None—yet Perth worked.”
Smith: 17 off 49 (49% false shots—career high). Perth chants: “Cheat” (Sandpapergate 2018).
Panesar jibe fallout: Rattled? “In his head,” Panesar quipped.
Australia’s Masterclass: Head’s Heroics, Smith’s Steady
Head’s 116—95 balls, 9 sixes—turned opener into rout. Khawaja 61; Smith 40* (unfazed).
Starc 5-47; Hazlewood 4-35. Smith post-match: “Plan worked—bounce exploited. England aggressive; we punished.”
McDonald: “Day-night Brisbane? Our domain.”
Australia: 1-0 up; Cummins Brisbane return.
Looking Ahead: Brisbane Pink-Ball Pivot?
No Canberra warm-up—England rests Brisbane; one lights session.
Same XI? Likely—Crawley backed despite poor returns.
Stokes: “Conviction in method—three years work; odd discard after one.”
Barmy Army: Camfield pub solace—largest southern hemisphere.
Series: 5 Tests, November 21-January 8. England: 9-win streak snapped.
Vaughan: “Bazball good—thrilling. But win from dominance? Learn fast.”
Verdict: Self-Inflicted Shocker – England’s Bazball Test
Perth’s two-day rout—worst since 1921—exposes England’s stubborn streak: Backs-to-wall heroes, front-foot failures.
Stokes’ pace revolution dazzled Day 1; batting gamble backfired.
Brisbane December 4: Day-night dominance Australia’s. England rebound? Method conviction or course correction?
Urn’s fate: Hanging—Bazball’s biggest test.
